Go you! Good job. Yeah... you shouldn't count all the stuff that's normal for a vampire.

((btw Erin-Sama... If you don't want to be mutual friends on GJ that's alright. But if you just didn't know, please add me.))

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All things considered, I think the vampire bits can be discarded, unless she can do all the nifty things Alucard can do and beat Seras in a fight, which would be abnormal for her race.

So if not, then ignore the vampy bits. You've got a non-Sue.

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She could beat Seras, because Seras is kind of a wimp on a vampiric scale at the moment.

As for Alucard, she's strong enough to give him an entertaining fight. I'd like them to be about evenly matched (this is also considering the restrictions on Alucard in general). However, she is NOT under any circumstances able to mop the floor with him.

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God... I can't stop watching that icon...

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Neither can I.

Wow.

Too bad I'm a cheap bastard, so I'll have to wait till all of ROD TV's out so I can buy the collected version, because it's cheaper on gas and wallets if I do my shopping in one big gulp.

But yes, if I hadn't already wanted ROD TV (which I very much do), it'd be on my list just for that.

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I really hope I'm not going overboard and doing more harm than good here, but, well, opinions were requested and I am nothing if not thorough. It's genetic. Due to length constraints, this will be in two parts. (Yes, I really did write that much.) ^-^;



(Your Total: 39pts)

Well, you shouldn't be able to deduct points for stuff that's normal for vampires. She didn't have to be a vampire after all. She could have been a mortal like Walter, or Heinkel and Yumiko. Since characters in Hellsing can be mortal and still be viable characters, you need to add the five points for being a vampire.

(Running Modified Total: 44pts)

Keep in mind, most vampires in Hellsing don't have shapeshifting or phasing and sharp shooting and hand-to-hand aren't related to vampirism, so you can't possibly claim those as normal. Since the test is concerned with your character's deviation from normal people (humans), you have to count the healing and super-strength at full price as well. The points for being a vampire do not cover these abilities. Those points are for the angst/coolness factor that being a vampire, even a wimpy one, gives a character.

(Total: 50pts)

Normally, red eyes would cost you, but in this case they are part and parcel of being a vampire and have neither significance nor uniqueness, so no extra charge.

Being short is, if anything, closer to "Does the character have a physical "flaw" that does not actually detract from her/his beauty" than to being overweight. No points either way.

If she is really strong enough to fight full-powered, Incognito-killing level Alucard, then she definitely qualifies for:
"Is the character exceptionally powerful, even by the standards of her/his race? [3 points]" Even Incognito didn't last several hours. However, I vaguely recall there being a special restriction lifted for that battle that wasn't lifted in the comic. If there was (I don't have Order 13 to check) then she's alright.

(Total: 50(53))

>+ Do you have a character journal for her/him? [4 points] (Is that really all that bad?)
Yes, it really is. It shows an unfortunate level of identification between the author and the character. The more the character is "you," the harder it becomes to write the character objectively and the easier it is to slide into wish-fulfillment. This is similar to, though not as potent as, "Is the character named after you". Same logic, same reason.

On the other hand, you don't need to add the points for wings. The test is concerned with wings in human form. In both anime and fan-fiction a winged human form is often a way of saying 'Look! This person is important/transcendent/powerful!.' An example would be the way Sailor Moon's high-power forms have wings. Turning into an animal that has wings carries none of the 'I'm so special' taint of human wings. As long as she doesn't manifest wings in human form, you have nothing to worry about.

(Total: 40(43))

You're double billing yourself on age with "Is the character old, even by the standards of his race? [3 points]" and "Is the character a teenager or in her/his early twenties?[2 points]." She only looks 20, which was covered in "Does the character appear to be a teenager or in her/his twenties, despite being older? [3 points]"

(Total: 38(41))

Additionally, if the character is immortal, looking young is only one point.

(Total: 36(39))

"Do you draw the character, or ask other people to draw her/him for you, more often [emphasis mine] than any of your other characters? [2 points]"
This only applies to current sketches; nothing you did before you encountered Hellsing and started writing Shine can be fairly counted. I'm also exempting the initial character design sketches as they are necessary for any new character. In this case, I presume for the moment that you draw the rest of the Hellsing cast more often, though I can't say for sure about what you haven't posted.

(Total: 34(39))

Referring to Baby-name books, 'Reseda' does appear, so I say you get off on that count. This question is more for people with names like 'Dark' or 'Scythe.'

Total Revised Score: 31(36)

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That seems good, but I'm not sure where you got "31-40 points: Borderline-Sue." The test currently says "21-35 points: Borderline-Sue" and I don't think it's been updated in a while. I know the High School section doesn't apply, but recalibrating the scale without it would lower the bar for being a Mary-Sue, not raise it.

It's fairly obvious that the biggest block of points comes from her powers (12pts). Even if you count them at half price, the score is still 25(30), lower but still Borderline-Sue rather than Non-Sue. Power is not necessary to exist in the Hellsing-verse and be competitive. Walter (who scores about a 12) only has "Skill in martial arts or hand-to-hand combat," yet remains cool and interesting. If you reduced her power level she becomes more acceptable. See also my comments above regarding her power level.

Reducing her power level would probably be awkward though, and somewhat incompatible with her identity as an older vampire, so your best bet might be to highlight her weaknesses. Characters who get kicked around (without angsting over it or getting heaped with pity) go a long way towards losing Sue status. Getting beaten by Alucard doesn't count because he's stronger than anybody, but showing Walter's mental superiority or Integral's nerves of steel would do fine.

On the whole, however, she's not bad. I think your main problem was actually Plot. You may notice that a lot of the test questions amount to "Is this character designed to be the center of attention?" which is really the ultimate Sue test. Your storyline revolves around introducing Reseda, and therefore many of us get bad vibes from it, subconsciously or consciously recognizing that as the behavior of a Mary-Sue. If her introduction had been secondary to a larger plot, I suspect she would have gone over much better.

In summary, she might need a bit of work but she has promise. The Litmus Test is a guideline, not an absolute rule, so she may not even need changing. If you can find a way to integrate her into the story as a supporting character, (e.g. Pip, Walter, Seras, Iscariot), rather that a main character (Alucard, Integral), she should do fine.

Regards,
Thomas

P.S. I hope I don't seem too pushy with all my commentary. I'm not trying to tell you how to write your story; I'm just telling you what my perception of it was. Regardless of how the rest of my comments are received, I just want to compliment you for actually taking the time to think about this. Far too many people could benefit from such perspective. As it stands, you are the best kind of author; the kind that is acutely aware of the flaws in her own writing and labors to correct them. Whatever you decide to do next, I look forward to seeing it.

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i totally agree with everything you said, thomas. and I noticed that in her character section you (erin) said that shes not as powerful as alucard, and while shes obviously not because he only released one control (that we saw), most vampires were killed in like five minutes -- not after hours and hours and it was still a stalemate. the only character whos been a persistent rival to alucard is andersong, and hes almost a vampire himself in his strength and regenerative qualities.

i know you wanted to set up your character to do something cool, but this isnt good when she as a character is almost a sue (and she was originally named after you, wasnt she?) and she stretches the boundaries of her character description. it would have been more interesting if alucard had beaten her -- not without a bit of a struggle, of course -- and then we would've had an interesting little rivalry. (again, similar to alucard-andersong except more friendly)

and the biggest thing that struck me about her was her theft of alucards clothes. this is a HUGE BIG NO-NO. this is like giving a fansenshi an eternal form in an anime-based sailor moon fic. it implies equality to him and is unoriginal. if you couldnt think of an outfit for her yourself, why didnt you get a friend to make one for you?

besides, her bodys too little for alucards outfit.

losing my succinctness,

serpent

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As I mentioned before, most of the vampires that we see in Hellsing were the FREAK-chip variety, and therefore unusually weak and thoughtless, as Integra and Alucard both pointed out at different times. Reseda was supposed to be a more typical old vampire: maybe not as tough as Alucard, who is of course the standard of perfection in terms of toughness, but quite powerful nonetheless. (And definitely stronger than Alex.)

Thus my reason for changing her name . . .

She'll wear her own clothes next time, I promise ^_^;;

~Erin

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Ganking clothes via shapeshifting ability isn't nearly as bad as copying powers, especially when it's frowned upon by the other charcters, and there's a promise that it won't happen again.

And I know I'm hopping on the bandwagon waaaay too late, but Thomas is right. The Sue litmus tests are just a guidline, and also extremely general. For example: while there are human characters in Hellsing, there are also vampires. A vampire in a non-vampire world, such as Star Trek, should get more Sue points. A vampire in the Vampire Chronicles should get no Sue points at all, as almost every character in the series is a vampire.

Even naming a charcter after you isn't a sure-fire way of telling if she's a Sue. It can be usually be an indicator, sure, but it's no garuantee. "Do you like the name" looks to me like bad wording. They probably mean "do you think this name is totally rad and kick-awesome," or the kind of thinking that would lead to Crystalwind Moonglider or Rayvynne with a silent Q.

There was a great big beautiful thread about it on Godawful Fan Fiction but the boards are down so I can't link to it.

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I don't know why the numbers are different either; I thought I just copied what was there.

I did try not to let Reseda out-nerve Integra, though it's a bit hard to intimidate her because there's not a whole lot that she honestly cares about. (That also poses a problem for setting up character interactions in the first place.) I'll see what I can do about her getting "kicked around", though, metaphorically if not literally.

If/when I return her into the story, she certainly won't be the center of attention. She was just supposed to be the focus of her own introduction, which I know is a Sue caution but is also hard to avoid. Besides, there's no end to the jokes you can get from cats. (Thus the longevity of Garfield.)

She's in no way meant to be a main character, either . . . I only have plans for two storylines beyond the guest strips, but she's not in either, and I have no intention of returning her any time too soon.

I really do appreciate the commentary - both the criticism and the compliments. It's well-thought-out and very helpful ^_^ Thanks.

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Wow. Thanks for all that ^_^

My thinking on the powers was that most of the vampires we see in Hellsing are actually the unusual ones: that is, the FREAK-chipped ones. Alucard mocks the vamps in episode two: "If you had any control at all you'd travel as mist or a bat." Seras gains sharpshooting skills at distances of thousands of meters when she becomes a vamp, and Rip has similar powers. In other words, things like this are perfectly normal for an old vampire.

In the end of the anime Integra released all of Alucard's restrictions - at least, as far as the animators understood them. And in the manga she's really released all his restrictions - to level zero. He's definitely not at level zero when fighting Reseda.

I definitely draw the rest of the Hellsing cast more often than Reseda. In fact, I have several other characters that I draw more often than her. (I suspect they would do better on the Mary Sue test, though, as they didn't originate as Sues - or at least, not as blatantly.)

Replying to the next bit now . . .

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Actually... If you do another fan-girl attack you may have to draw her in sooner... I THINK I AM BECOMING A RASIDA FAN BOY! NOOOOOOO! I don't want to leave my Seras...

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